The Life-Affirming Benefits of Self-Pleasure
Image: David Cohen
There’s a toxic taboo that often taints masturbation, negating the life-affirming benefits that a healthy and erotic self-pleasure practice can offer.
It wasn’t always this way.
Ancient Sumerian and Egyptian civilisations were much more relaxed about masturbation, embracing it as a creative act that enhanced pathways to sexual potency and embodied pleasure. Several centuries later it was the ancient Greeks who redefined masturbation as an uncivilised act suitable only for those they considered to be second-class citizens - namely women and slaves - a double-sting that confirms some seriously screwy thinking.
Columnist, Terry Madenholm, adds this insight:
‘There is a hint in the terminology as to why the practice was considered indecent. The most commonly used verb for masturbation is “to soften” (dephesthai), while for most Greeks, male sexuality was essentially about power dynamics. In bed, it all came down to active versus passive. … A “real man” could only play an active role in bed, that of the “penetrator”, hence, masturbating … was viewed as an act of self-emasculation.” - Madenholm, Terry (10 April 2023). “The Rules of Masturbation in Ancient Greece.” Haaretz.
Consider the ways in which that same privileged group championed the elevation of cognitive thought and it’s no wonder that embodied self-pleasure isn’t part of our regular self-care - or is confined to a quick and furtive fast-track to genital orgasm under the sheets after we turn off the lights. It’s no wonder that we now find ourselves profoundly disconnected from the kind of uplifting whole-body erotic pleasure that keeps us juicy and lit up from the inside out.
The technology of pleasurable touch
We may be tactile creatures but we’re not always conscious about the quality of erotic touch we’re giving and receiving. The way that we touch ourselves matters. Science confirms that kind, compassionate, sensuous, loving touch carries its own elixir of goodness including improved immunity (part of our immune system resides in our skin after all), a regulated nervous system, activation of feel-good hormones including oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine that elevate our mental wellbeing, and nourishment of the deeper tissues of the body.
Why not consider a self-pleasure practice as a radical act of self-care. Set time aside to explore your body in an intentionally sensuous way. Ensure that you are in a private and comfortable place, perhaps fresh sheets on the bed and candles and music, maybe it’s a bottle of silky oil or lube and some playful sex toys. Leave any goal of orgasm outside the bedroom door and simply create a space for the kind of sensual self-touch that invites a range of nuanced whole-body pleasure.
5 ways to create more self-pleasure and juicy arousal:
1. Close the door on whatever else is competing for your attention and intend to be very present and aware of your beautiful self. Take some deeper exhales and greet yourself as you are, where you are.
2. Always begin with what I call The Pleasure Touch; gently press your hands together and notice any sensation this creates in your hands and body. This is the first touch that you offer yourself. It’s a way of saying to yourself, “Yes - I’m open to the possibilities of giving and receiving pleasure.” Now softly rub your hands against each other to activate the receptors in your hands. Do this with a lot of presence. Our hands have more nerve endings per area than anywhere else in our body apart from our lips and genitals - which means the nerve receptors in the hands can access a huge amount of pleasure.
3. S L O W down the way you touch yourself. Touch yourself at half the speed you normally would. The slower you move, the more you can feel. For women particularly, slow, rhythmic caressing of our non-erogenous zones can be a pleasurable way to gently wake up and moisten our tender erogenous places and spaces.
4. Explore your dominant sense organs when it comes to your own pleasure. Do you like to watch yourself directly or maybe use a mirror? Do you prefer to close your eyes and drop into trancey felt-sensation? Do aromatic scents or tasting yourself turn you on? Perhaps hearing yourself sigh out loud with pleasure feels good?
5. When you come to the end of your practice, give yourself some sweet after-care. For some people, gently cupping your yoni with your hand to seal your practice can feel deeply grounding. For others, resting a hand gently on your heart to seal your practice can feel nourishing.
Become an erotic explorer; discover your innate sensual essence and the pathways to pleasure that satisfy you.
Keep in touch … with You.
Tat tvam asi. You are That.